It Ain‘t Funny: Job Search Jargon

Whether you are a student looking for that first time or summer job or a long time veteran looking for a change of pace, this JOB SEARCH JARGON should help you get on your way…

COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

FLEXIBLE HOURS: Work 55 hours; get paid for 37.5.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want you to do.

ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD: You whine, you’re fired.

CAREER-MINDED: We expect that you will want to flip hamburgers until you are 70.

SELF-MOTIVATED: Management won’t answer questions

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend

DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around.

COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT: We have a lot of turnover.

SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER: We’re not going to supply you with leads; there’s no base salary; you’ll wait 30 days for your first commission check.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED: If we’re in trouble, you’ll go on TV and get us out of it.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

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